I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
