It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
