imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
