I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
