you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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