I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
