you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
