A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
