just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
