how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
