I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
