break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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