You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
