she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
