an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My feet surprised me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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