It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There was a lot of him and a little penis
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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