And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
