I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
