dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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