The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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