On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
