the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
