brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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