Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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