1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
