sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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