I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
