i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
