I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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