honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
