i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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