My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
