oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I could make wine with my vomit
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
