***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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