She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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