She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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