mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
