John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
