4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
