your parents love me but you hate me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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