his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
