WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
