No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
