Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just puked most of my soul out..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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