I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
