My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
