Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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