I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
