I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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