You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
